Evilville

It's almost a palindrome!

84% of statistics used to prove a point are made up on the spot.

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

...assuming life also gave you sugar.

OMFG

Frosting the Snowman

Brainegle.

Tnow

In standardized tests, you MUST used #2s, but MUSTN'T go #2.

Ellipsis

merry zhams!

When the phone goes "green, green",

I pink up the phone and say "Yellow?".

My imaginary girlfriend is pregnant.

You could say I'm in a rather "complex" situation.

Yes

If the Pope is Jewish, then Venezuela is a planet.

Triceratops

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Triceratops&oldid=266526122

Keyboard

I just cleaned bbbb nn mmj jjjjjjjjjjjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy7 hxx dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd x

NINJJA

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Stranger: what up nigga

You: im not a ninja

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Ok, so I was, like, playing SMB3

And I'm stuck ontop of this platform with dudes about to throw boxes at me.

But then one of them throws their box when they clearly couldn't hit me, and it hit teh side of the platform, releasing a fireflower.

The death was ruled a suicide.

I don't wanna be a cowboy!

Dirty laundry and sinks.

Puns

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Stranger: hi

You: I have a tiny person inside me!

Stranger: r u pregnant or shicofrenc?

You: i'm boning a midget.

Stranger: u r just wierd

Stranger: i like wierd

Stranger: asl?

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Hi, Brazil!

Phillip exists!

Cupcake

OHYOURGODI'MFLYING

Randal is psychic!

Read this article. 9/02/02009

Read this comic. 9/10/02008

Note the dates.

Diafram?

Die-ap-hrag-um

Barbaric Vandalism

It's like a laser-guided scuba!

Omegle Roffle

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: This may sound like a stupid question but am I speaking to the year 2000?

Stranger: no, my names dave

Stranger: that it

You: okay

You: what year is it?

Stranger: um

Stranger: 2009

Stranger: lol

You: at least it works

You: it's 5036 now

Stranger: uhha

Stranger: and

You: im from the future!

Stranger: then you must know who i am then

You: who?

Stranger: nvm

Stranger: do you have some kind of message then?

You: huh?

Stranger: well are you here to change the past and thus the future like in terminater or

Stranger: are you just yankin my crank like in south park

You: nope

You: im just working on a history report

Stranger: what do you need to know then

You: what are the great political issues of your era?

Stranger: well the most debate seems to centred around whether natural or silicon boobs are the best

You: no, political issues

You: like android rights

Stranger: they're still lobying for that

Stranger: um

Stranger: wait

Stranger: what about the lizard people

Stranger: you know about the war right?

You: what?

Stranger: you know, the lizard people and there cyborb ninga jew army

You: no, you're thinking of Edward P. Brown's "The Blob Returns"

Stranger: no, they are deffinatly ninja jews

Stranger: they still have the beards and everything

You: no thats a movie

You: oh, wait

You: thats not until 2057

Stranger: funny that

Stranger: so do we win?

You: no

You: its a draw

Stranger: mmmmm okay

Stranger: but does raptor jesus return?

Stranger: does the spaggeti monster save us?

You: look get off the pot; it isnt legal yet

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Ouchy

ZOMG burgerjaw

Dudes.

I post stupid pointless crap here; my other blog is better.

Oh, and, erm, BANANA

Pun-ishment

This joke is not week.

http://failblog.org/2009/10/06/bracelet-fail/#comment-631459

Pssst...!

I'm secretly an elephant fetus!

Duuuuuuuuuuuude...

asl?

1/f/elephant

how 4chan r u?

Wow

I HATE YOU PEOPLE

Not you three.

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Stranger: boy search a girl with msn and cam

You: Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i am male do u want cyber?
You: the question is do you?
You: 11.7/f/usa
Stranger: ohh
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: bye
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My name is not Mary.

Today is not my 11.7th birthday.

Urrrrggggghhhhhh...

Imaginary friends are SO ANNOYING when they're on the blob!