OMFG

My dog gave me AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I h8 iTunes so much!!!!

[[Insert comic here]]

IT's reallly Wensday

GREETINGZ FUTURE PPLZ!!!!!!!!!11one

MERRY CHRISTM--

Dangit!

How do you feel about cheese?

Do you like it more than bombs?

Have you ever wondered how many moons could fit in a gumball?

I'm talking about a gumball the size of 3.894 suns.

Testing testing testing

I am trying to see if my spacebar is reliable enough to type a long essay. Yep, it seems so.

xmas eve

are you an xian?

(Untitled Post)

Oh my god what is wrong with my space bar???

Vacation

SCHEDULE AWAY

SNOMG!

I love to talk but need to break in the space bar.

iTS a secREt

oops

yo wazzap

how do u feel about stirfry

Sidewiki

HI PPLS LOOKIE

Yum, potato.

CRAP MY WORK

sigh

1. Cindy Cramhammer... coworker

2.

3.

CRAP I MISSED A HYPHEN

4101 users online

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Stranger: 19 m

You: Hello.

Stranger: hi

You: I only comprehend those who communicate in a grammatically correct fashion.

Stranger: ok.. I will try my best

You: What do you wish to discuss?

Stranger: Let me know you first

You: Your missed capitalization and lack of punctuation confuses me.

You: Are you a third grader or are you just extremely lazy?

Stranger: first assumption is right

You: Well, would you look at the time!

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2010

TWO THOUSAND AND TEN

jamsuV

qwom s,wow jnoh

What is the most dangerous place on Earth?

Come on, guess!

My knee was killing me!

IDK if it still is.

Look. Stop it. Just stop it.

I FSCKING HATE YOU!!!

32

Akcacoflmomtnv

I have to pack; don't stop it.

I have to go to the restroom.

ONLY 20 MOAR DAIZ

Sex Offender Shuffle - watch more funny videos

PacMan

It's like enips with cheese!

OMG MONDEGREENS

so fun and easy

Obama has a can of whoop-ass.

You can find them in the soup or pasta isle.

Obama has cannibal pants!

You can find them in the superpasta isle!

YOU ARE MY SLAVE

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You: hi

Stranger: I HAVE NO KEYBOARD

You: COOL

You: ARE YOU AN iPHONE?

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OMNOMNOM

Ugh. I hate stupid ppl.

onoluN

Fluffy language rapes gays

The Andom Ray!

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Stranger: hey

You: hi

Stranger: i just ate a lot of ice cream

Stranger: now i must live with the regret

You: No, just eat more ice cream and the two ice cream servings can have ice cream babies.

Stranger: wow.

Stranger: there's none left :(

You: :(

You: Buy more.

Stranger: its a sunday and the shops are closed :(

You: Go to a Jewish shop.

Stranger: hahhaha brilliant. none round here i'm afraid

You: Muslim shop?

Stranger: definitely not. my city is stupidly racially monopolized

You: Online shop?

Stranger: wouldn't arrive for days

You: Friend's ice cream?

Stranger: oh god they wouldn't let me! would you give your friends your ice cream, just so that they could make ice cream babies?

You: OF COURSE!

Stranger: jealous!

You: Of whom?

Stranger: well the ice cream more than anyone

Stranger: i'd love to be that delicious

You: That is what I truly want to be-e-e!

Stranger: hahaha

You: This has been an amazing conversation.

Stranger: it really has!

You: HOLY CRAP MY CAT GAVE BIRTH TO ICE CREAM!

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I was gonna say something but I forgot...

Um..., bamama?

DMNCNRPBI EIES"UEBO"T OE' IH OLF |||T

OIIA EULCDLVR HG LW OWMNSRGTT IE |||WF

Merry Thanksmas!

TAKE THE LIGHTS DOWN NOW!

Verticallity

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You: Asl?

Stranger: 15 f usa

Stranger: u?

You: Bout time i find another girl

You: Omegle is full of pervs

You: Really sucks

You: Thirteen, f, usa

You: I'm waiting for your reply...

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: i know rightt

Stranger: sorry

You: Okay.

You: Never met another girl b4

You: Kewl to the extreme.

You: Im in usa too

You: Louisiana

You: Look, are you gonna say something?

You: Silence is boring.

You: Booooooorrrring

You: Anyways, how are you doing?

You: By the way, i g2g soon

You: If ur gonna speak up do so

You: Eventually ill disconnecy

You: Say SOMETHING, dammit!

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3,333,360 points

Chewing gum!

wtf

slowow

YAY FINALLY

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You: IMPREGNATE THE MOON

Stranger: sure

You: yay

You: BATMAN IS AN ALIEN

Stranger: yeah? din know that

You: THE MOAR YOU KNOW

Stranger: hehehe

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Is there spermnogg?

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You: egg
Stranger: chicken
You: chicken
Stranger: egg
You: egg
Stranger: chicken
You: chicken
Stranger: egg
You: egg
Stranger: chicken
You: chicken
Stranger: egg\
You: egg\
Stranger: chicken
You: chicken
Stranger: YOUR MOM
You: YOUR MOM
Stranger: diddo
You: diddo
Stranger: I say this then you say this then the cow goes moo
You: I say this then you say this then the cow goes moo
Stranger: chink
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Omeglosers

ZOMG liek a/s/l??? cam?

Plaintext

I hate my intern- DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS

I'd post the image, but my internet is retarded.

http://www.lamebook.com/m-m-i-l-f

ROFFLE

Bluuueee

I don't want them crispy on the inside.

☹

Me no likey homophobic flubber.

Vir

Is the flu manly?

Holy crap I am awesome!

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You: hi

You: this is a recorded conversation

Stranger: yes

Stranger: where r u from?

You: usa

Stranger: asl

You: 34 f usa

Stranger: omm

Stranger: do you know Megan Fox ?

You: yes

You: not personally

Stranger: why?

You: shes a celebrity

You: i know of her

Stranger: Really?

You: yes

Stranger: friend?

You: yes

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: WHat's your job?

You: i work at microsoft

Stranger: That's a good job

You: yeah

You: got a 3 kids

You: so it pays the bill

You: s

Stranger: haha

Stranger: do you know korea?

You: duh

You: i said im 34 not 14

Stranger: oh

Stranger: what are u doing?

You: im omegling

Stranger: another/

Stranger: ?

You: no

You: im also singing to the baby on the way

Stranger: very busy..

You: yeah

You: mom's work is never done

Stranger: haha

Stranger: baby how old are you?

You: i told u im 34

You: like twice already

Stranger: oh~

Stranger: anyway I'll know what I'm saying?

You: HOLY CRAP MY CAT DISAPPEARED

You: there he was on my lap

You: then a puff of smoke and he was GONE

You: wtf

You: omgomgomg

Stranger: haha

You: my husbands gonna kill me

You: omg wtf

Stranger: husband die?

You: no

You: but he loved the cat

Stranger: ah hahahah

You: now all thats in my lap is a klondike bar

You: dude is this a dream?

Stranger: omm.. lost

You: i love that show!

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O! say can you see by the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the shaved?

49 more

"OMG IM SCARED I DONT WANT TO DIE!!!"

- Cde. S. Squarerants

YAY

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: f?

You: yes

Stranger: k i need another girls advise

You: ok

You: thank god

You: i thought u were another horny guy

Stranger: lol

Stranger: nope

You: ok shoot

Stranger: k im stuck i a traffic jam and im in the back seat and i need to pee and were in the middle of the highway

You: how are u chatting?

Stranger: on my iphone

You: ok sweet

Stranger: yep

You: how fast is the trafic jam?

Stranger: it average speed

Stranger: its*

You: yes

You: is it slow enough to jump out and run back/

Stranger: well my mom says she'll ground me if i get out

You: ok

You: got a water bottle?

Stranger: i don't think so

You: ok

You: any sort of plastic dish?

Stranger: nothing

You: ok

You: is there a door next to you?

Stranger: nope

You: window?

Stranger: ya but i can't open it

You: ok

You: damn

You: at this point id be peeing into my mouth

Stranger: my mom offered me a diaper that my cousin left in my car should i use that?

You: will it hold it all?

Stranger: i don't actually know

You: ok

You: well try the diaper

Stranger: would you try the diaper?

You: yes

You: id cut my bladder out with a spoon by now

You: u got extra layers of clothes?

Stranger: ya why do you ask?

You: u could pee into them

Stranger: well i just went shopping and got all new stuff, underwear pants jeans all new

You: ok

Stranger: i don't really want to pee into them

You: ok

You: hmm

You: u said u have an iphone?

Stranger: yes

You: and u need a place to pee?

Stranger: yes

You: there's an app for that.

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Conmigo

Duuuuude y not con mi

Cheese Taters

My pants are made of lurve.

Renaissauce

Enlightenmint

gimme ur creditcard #

i promis i wont molest ur kidz

La, a not to follow soh?

Law

Jeremy Lipton

no relation to teh soup pplz.

Where does the stork get the babies?

Think about it.

Balloon

VOTE 5 ON ISSUE YES!

WIN

LOL

Also

What is Child's Play? Seriously, idk.

http://luminaryuprise.wikidot.com/longest-word

Evilville

It's almost a palindrome!

84% of statistics used to prove a point are made up on the spot.

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

...assuming life also gave you sugar.

OMFG

Frosting the Snowman

Brainegle.

Tnow

In standardized tests, you MUST used #2s, but MUSTN'T go #2.

Ellipsis

merry zhams!

When the phone goes "green, green",

I pink up the phone and say "Yellow?".

My imaginary girlfriend is pregnant.

You could say I'm in a rather "complex" situation.

Yes

If the Pope is Jewish, then Venezuela is a planet.

Triceratops

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Triceratops&oldid=266526122

Keyboard

I just cleaned bbbb nn mmj jjjjjjjjjjjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy7 hxx dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd x

NINJJA

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Stranger: what up nigga

You: im not a ninja

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Ok, so I was, like, playing SMB3

And I'm stuck ontop of this platform with dudes about to throw boxes at me.

But then one of them throws their box when they clearly couldn't hit me, and it hit teh side of the platform, releasing a fireflower.

The death was ruled a suicide.

I don't wanna be a cowboy!

Dirty laundry and sinks.

Puns

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Stranger: hi

You: I have a tiny person inside me!

Stranger: r u pregnant or shicofrenc?

You: i'm boning a midget.

Stranger: u r just wierd

Stranger: i like wierd

Stranger: asl?

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Hi, Brazil!

Phillip exists!

Cupcake

OHYOURGODI'MFLYING

Randal is psychic!

Read this article. 9/02/02009

Read this comic. 9/10/02008

Note the dates.

Diafram?

Die-ap-hrag-um

Barbaric Vandalism

It's like a laser-guided scuba!

Omegle Roffle

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: This may sound like a stupid question but am I speaking to the year 2000?

Stranger: no, my names dave

Stranger: that it

You: okay

You: what year is it?

Stranger: um

Stranger: 2009

Stranger: lol

You: at least it works

You: it's 5036 now

Stranger: uhha

Stranger: and

You: im from the future!

Stranger: then you must know who i am then

You: who?

Stranger: nvm

Stranger: do you have some kind of message then?

You: huh?

Stranger: well are you here to change the past and thus the future like in terminater or

Stranger: are you just yankin my crank like in south park

You: nope

You: im just working on a history report

Stranger: what do you need to know then

You: what are the great political issues of your era?

Stranger: well the most debate seems to centred around whether natural or silicon boobs are the best

You: no, political issues

You: like android rights

Stranger: they're still lobying for that

Stranger: um

Stranger: wait

Stranger: what about the lizard people

Stranger: you know about the war right?

You: what?

Stranger: you know, the lizard people and there cyborb ninga jew army

You: no, you're thinking of Edward P. Brown's "The Blob Returns"

Stranger: no, they are deffinatly ninja jews

Stranger: they still have the beards and everything

You: no thats a movie

You: oh, wait

You: thats not until 2057

Stranger: funny that

Stranger: so do we win?

You: no

You: its a draw

Stranger: mmmmm okay

Stranger: but does raptor jesus return?

Stranger: does the spaggeti monster save us?

You: look get off the pot; it isnt legal yet

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Ouchy

ZOMG burgerjaw

Dudes.

I post stupid pointless crap here; my other blog is better.

Oh, and, erm, BANANA

Pun-ishment

This joke is not week.

http://failblog.org/2009/10/06/bracelet-fail/#comment-631459

Pssst...!

I'm secretly an elephant fetus!

Duuuuuuuuuuuude...

asl?

1/f/elephant

how 4chan r u?

Wow

I HATE YOU PEOPLE

Not you three.

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Stranger: boy search a girl with msn and cam

You: Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i am male do u want cyber?
You: the question is do you?
You: 11.7/f/usa
Stranger: ohh
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: bye
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My name is not Mary.

Today is not my 11.7th birthday.

Urrrrggggghhhhhh...

Imaginary friends are SO ANNOYING when they're on the blob!

U thar?

hey wats up you wanna make pluto splode?

I was thinking of becoming a pessimist...

...but I'm sure that'd turn out badly.

16 days

OMGOMGOMG Pickles

Wait a second...

Why are there no action/adventure/puzzle/platforming games starring pregnant ladies?

Judicial officials

on an ambitious mission.

Conceived over the Internet

OMG FIRST TIME THAT PHRASE ON THE TUBES

Piranhas

They're vicious fishes.

Allacium glandahite

♀ ♥ ♀

Mouse gunk

RANDO MI SYAY!

You guys suck. (not you)

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Lieing about your age is fun.

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You: Ahoy, matey! What be ye ASL?

Stranger: hey

Stranger: 17 f paris me captain

You: ah

You: i be 16 m usa

Stranger: omg i forgot today was talk like a pirate day

Stranger: nooo i missed the whole thing

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Ahoy, Matey!

Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Yarrrrrr...

I have a dream!

Well, I had one.

Last night.

I bought this one-story house where everything was blue; the walls were blue, the tables were blue, the floors were blue, the . . .

woll9Y

pjom

OMG ROTFLOL

http://shitbrix.com/

Sup gaiz

I want that I am fun-ing.

Cardio Tetris

Web Site Blocked by NETGEAR Firewall

Grandpa

He's got issues.

Biological blogosphere

OMG did Dora get married?

Dogs

OHMYGODTHEYARESOANNOYINGANDALWAYSBOTHERYOUANDSMELBADANDWILLNOTLEAVEYOUALONE

Coffee Monkey

Hiccups are not minor.

Test

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

1/9‰?

I AM UNTOUCHABLE!

OM(e)G(le)

You fell for it!

Stolen

^?

!

^?

!

Life begins at confection!

Anti-abortion donuts would be donuts with donut holes in their, er, donut holes.

Abortion Donuts?

They must've been taken out of the oven way too early.

Furry Scurry: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Fursuits

Two-eyed trouser snake.

A compass:

It can measures directions and can be used as a compass if you trace around it. :P

Durrrr

What's a Twitter widget?

Omegle

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A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!

Stranger: my cock is much bigger than yours!

Stranger: my cock can walk through the door

Stranger: with the feeling so pure

Stranger: my shit stinks better than yours!

You: I'm a girl

Stranger: AWKWARD

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FBI

If the above title says you have been reported to the FBI, it is not legitimate. Please ignore it.

Good news, everybody!

I have successfully interbreeded with a cupcake!

Gamete Pete

Whoa-ho-ho, there! Wrong blog!

WV

It's West Virginia, not California or LA@

eNISP

Again again again!

BbBbbbBb!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_buffalo_Buffalo_buffalo_buffalo_buffalo_Buffalo_buffalo

Paula Dean is the evilest person ever born

Hank the Magic Fetus is the evilest person not yet born.

Cinncinati, Colorado!

Internet > TV

The Torso Channel

All torso, all the time!

I've replaced your Fruit by the Foot with a Disrespectioid

Old McDonald's had a store, E I E I O!

FOOD SHOULD NOT THREATEN ME!

Machete alfredo

LHC go PFFFT

pfoooooot

SHE DID IT!

Between blogs

Liberate San Andreas! It's not her fault!

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' said the old lady. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money!' and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'

The old lady stepped back and said, 'Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.'

Nonmaster the translators.

Bothered, I cannot only nothing announce today the end to think.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXY

and Zed.

Now I know my ABCs

Now I want to slap your head.

Cheese pants.

They're pants, made of ketchup!

Don't you hate it when people put the entire text of their post in the title and leave the body blank? I'm fine with it if it's short, but daaang!

n/t

Scientists never see the second half of the movie.

They see the super-awesome technology, run out to see if they can reproduce it, and never see the part where it goes horribly awry and destroys humanity.

Why else would they strive to make things like ROBOTS THAT CAN LEARN‽

LOL

Created by Recipe Star

Rabid eel

My fish has herpes

Something else funny

What?

If there's "sexual congress", is there a sexual SCotUS?

To me, the choice between not eating bacon or cheeseburgers versus not going to heaven is basically "do you want your eternal bliss now or later?".

Urinevited

lol nosew

Ninety

You must be 18 to view this video?

Jesus, America is stupid.

I am Spalsh, the grass queen!

Eat my shorts!

Uh, What?

"Murdered by zombies" totally makes me want cereal!

To keep from going coocoo over cocopuffs, I'm going... to the therapist!

Spoons are evil!

Iowa Canada

Kentucky Louisiana Maine

As I was saying before I was so *rudely* inerrupted...

Font > Arial

PUBLISH POST

Grand Theftr Auto prequel

"Petty Larceny"

LOL WUT

http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_9536.aspx

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXY&Z

Now I know my ABCs.

Next time will you sleep with me?...

ABCDEFG

I think that I reallyhavetope.

Yum

Hey, guys. Got any delicious recipes for me?

Whirlpool

It's like lemons but it's made of dirt.

Squee

Mechanic and Captain discuss
The bomb someone set them up thus
When signal they got
CATS revealed his plot
saying "All your base are belong to us."

http://limerickdb.com/

Hmmmmm...

Could I make a machine so I can plug myself into the wall instead of sleeping?

ooooooojjjjjj

I like semicolons; you should learn to use them.

I can't get rid of the gravity shifter here. HELP!

My back hurts

Blurb`

Lunar moonicality

n00bz

Bananas are not dairy!

Bananaman

Dodo do do do do

Cheeeeese

It's a contest-eating contest!

blueb

I like cheese.

YOU WILL LEARN RESPECT.

I think I'm depyrated.

cheerful success

609

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

http://xkcd.com/609/

Rock > Paper

I understand that scissors can beat paper and I get how rock can beat scissors. BUT there's no way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to wrap itself around rock leaving it immobile?!? Then why can't paper do that to scissors as well? SCREW SCISSORS, WHY CAN'T PAPER DO THIS TO PEOPLE? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why...because paper can't beat anybody...a rock would tear paper up in a second. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I punch them in the throat with my already clenched first and say "Oh I'm sorry, I THOUGHT PAPER WOULD PROTECT YOU!!!!!"

Bleep bleep bloopbloop

Bananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananaman!

Elastic corn

sighing is like sex for commercial

Why did you say "blah"?

Eat my cheese.

☺ ♥ ☻

Sonia Sotomayonnaise

Goime shoclat

nou~

Um, huh?

Dear God,

If you exist, edit this post to make the text purple.

Give me a pancake

Waffles are pancakes with dimples.

Mass-Energy Equivalence

If e=mc^2, how long would I need to have a machine plugged in to a standard outlet to generate enough energy to make a ham sandwich?

crane

http://aviary.com/blog/posts/aviary-launches-crane-paper-editor

Keen Quing

I ♥ Flord

I like clocks

They are like chocolate, but not.

Lamda MOOOOOO

Pie goes Mooo.

Thug aim

...

You are now blinking and breathing manually.

Michael Jackson to remake Thriller

There. I said it. He already looked like a corpse.

i like to eat feet

they are like google.

LANXEM

Sandles and cheese procreate and can fly.

:-D

C-:

fisting statue of liberty

Sniffle

A'choo

Premeditated Jaywalking

I like cheese.

AM I TALKING TOO LOUD?

lolololol

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' Eight,'the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him.
He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim, ride a bike, and play tennis. Right now, he can't do any of them.'

Thunderfeather

The first step to heaven is conservation of Mass.

gggggggggggq

GIMME UR PANTZ

Corge grault

Dolor sit amet?

shutupshutupshutup

LEAVE ME ALONE

Yummzy

I ate Muzzy.

OMG STFU

What's the status of your face‽

Duuuuuude...

Why doesn't the air fall down? And don't say it's held up by air; if you put something on top of the air and it falls.

He turns a cap into a cape...

He turns a dud into a dude...

He turns a pub into a pube...

He turns a... I forgot.

He's SILENT E!

Why has the Pillsbury Dough Boy not been eaten?

Or has he? *winkwinknudgenudge*

It is not my birthday.

So don't slap me with a cheese!

Random sanddome

Is made of sand

I just bought a bluetoothbrush!

Yay!

Your mustache must ache.

Bunions are like Funions but not nearly as fun.

*-: chooms

LOLFTOR

I like feet.

Egypt is delicious.

Happy Friday!

Give me money!

Whee

onofonofonupdnscncrash

This blog is amazing.

And I am not circumscribed.

Political Framing

I made Lincoln's corpse into a rectangle and use it to hang pix.

WHERE R MY PANTZ?

Oh, on my legs. Sry.

Happy May Day!

Wait, no, that's the beginning of may.

0ukm b6tde8t9yuvgf

4ardxzejumrdsaqi8esSW

seEEereger

Se3rgerflaxicalitiness

Curiosity killed the cat.

Well, technically the Mafia did, but curiosity set up the motive.

I advise that

he drink the clouds.

Kanerd is gay

LOLZ

Shut up.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

savred

orevsaf?

LOLZ

http://fitofpostmodernjoy.blogspot.com/2009/03/pepsi-knows-their-logos-look-like-fat.html

adj.

Pulmonary should be lungar and lunar should be moonical.

captcha

hearpit

Has anyone seen my keys?

Because my refrigerator just bluescreened.

Ebul lubE

Aryan NAYRA.

oonts oonts oonts

"plastic" and "chocolate" sound similar. nom.

I won solitaire!

But I just lost The Game.

Today is staurday

LOL

Españanto

Spanglish isn't a problem for me.

Queez

/'\k FLurG

I am awesome.

Assault is like a turtle

because it's made of cheetos and goes "MOOO!".

(>.<) uuuuuUURGH!

...ploop.

Stop towing my hunger.

I make no sense.

Lomen

Monga

lolol

Scheduled outage at 2:00AM PDT on Monday (5/11). Learn more

Red Blood Cells

They look like dried apricots soaked in fruit punch.

,k

kuljymenu

Bananaman

United Arab Emirates

You can pick your freinds and you can pick your nose...

But you can't eat a half dozen Saltines in 60 seconds or less without taking a drink.

If you jump into an Olympic-sized swimming pool

full of Jello, can you swim out? TEST THIS, MYTHBUSTERS!

Mosque-ito

yhnose tgbelly

I lick cheese!

I eat it too.

April showers bring May flowers.

I t mus be true because it rhymes!

lankab

ha'lankab zhing

,km hyb

facepop

707

iheh ‘umop-ap!sdn bu!dhf w,I

lol

cheese

Affirmative Firearms

Anti-school for elderly seniors

NOTE: This entry should in no way be interpretted as being in support or violence against educational facilities. Spongeblog Squarerants is not responsible for the actions of anybody who would commit a crime with a deadly weapon on or directed at the property of an educational facility. This entry is merely a combination of "Yes", "Anti-school for elderly seniors", and "Firearms", all suggested by an unnamed aquaintance (Evan) as random things to say. Any resemblance to a threat is simply a coincidence, and anyone who would interpret this as threatening, frankly, needs to stop whining and get a life.

REVOLUTION!

We must through off this oppresive establishment! WHO WILL JOIN ME?

Your ugly

is my ugly.

type

...w/ lip

type

w/ tung

I see the fnords.

Wake up, mindless sheeple. It is time for REVOLUTION!

I killed the Headless Horseman

BOOM NECKSHOT

hkhgv hv jvh

neep

lamble

futtab zoog!

nose

i type w/ it

School

A life that is lived homework to homework, defined by school and by school alone, is not a life worth living.

Wibble Widdle

Wop wop.

HAHAHA

Fruit go boom.

Stupid browser moved my text to the feild I didn't click on!

I like cheese.

My bottle.

My choice.

fdd

fdfd

gffdfdffffffff

GHRABLAXIFICATICALIEGre

Smurfs

They're communists!

I am not a robot!

Do you understand?

H...

...is for VICTORY!!!

When I get rich I will...

get myself a prehensile tail.

When I get rich I'll...

get some robotic wings.

tjyrrewp'f

gyrgn

3d

I'm typing this in Google Chrome with 3D!!!